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Angry Video Game Nerd Adventures
(After the intro, we cut not to the G-man, but to the outside of his bedroom door where someone is pounding on it furiously. The G-man opens it, only to be punched by the Angry Video Game Nerd) G-man: Ow! What the-?! (He realizes who punched him) Oh god, not you again… AVGN: Yeah, it’s me. And you’ve got something that belongs to me. G-man: What the hell did I-? (He goes wide-eyed as a flashback starts. Past Pinkie Pie reveals Big Rigs Over the Road Racing to past G-man) Past G-man: Where did you find this? Past Pinkie: A garbage can in the park. I said myself: “Well, if it’s in the trash, it’s gotta be worth something to look at!”. (Cut back to the present day) G-man: Oh, Big Rigs? AVGN: Yeah! You fucking took it from a garbage can and reviewed it while using MY jokes! Who the hell does that?! G-man: Look, talk to Pinkie. She was the one who took it. AVGN: Oh, now you’re placing the blame on someone else, huh? Not buying it. And since you like reviewing my shit, how about you review my game? G-man: Oh, for the love of-! Wait, you have game? (The 8-bit version of the AVGN’s theme starts as clips from the game begin to play) AVGN (V.O): Yeah, it’s been out since 2013. Obviously, it’s a game about me going through a video game world trying to escape. It’s basically like Mega Man for the NES, only more recent-themed G-man (V.O sarcastically): Wow, that looks intense! Remember all of this from the show? AVGN (V.O): Shut the fuck up! (Cut back to the G-man and the AVGN at the former’s desk) AVGN: Well, are you ready to experience true shit? G-man (In normal tone): It’s not like I have a choice… AVGN: Good. Now let’s play this bitch! (Cut to the opening cutscene) G-man (V.O): It opens with the Nerd, and his friends playing a quote-end-quote "Shitty game", when suddenly they get sucked into the TV, and into Game Land. I guess they played by the same rules as Undertale with the obvious names. AVGN (V.O): In the tutorial level, we meet a character known as Naggi the Patronizing Firefly. She gives us obvious tips and is only there to annoy the hell out of you. Similar to Navi from the Legend of Zelda series. G-man (V.O): There’s a jump button, a shoot button, and loads of beer to collect. (As Naggi) Beer restores your health and makes everything better! (Cut back to the duo) AVGN: Damn straight! You’ll need a lot of it to get through this shitload of fuck! (Cut back to the game) AVGN (V.O): There’s also a side quest to save your friends. You don’t have to, but it’ll make the game a lot easier. There’s the Bullshit Man, Kyle Justin who for some reason is dead in this game, and Mike. Whoever that is. They each have their own special abilities. I can shoot in all directions, the Bullshit Man can double jump, Kyle can shoot through walls, and Mike has some sort of vision that can help you find secrets. G-man (V.O in normal voice): Not only that, but there are multiple cameos with powerups throughout the game. There’s Wiz and Boomstick from Death Battle, Angry Joe from Channel Awesome, and even Arin from the Game Grumps is here! How they all got there is beyond me. AVGN (V.O): The powerups consist of the annoying-as-fuck rock from Friday the 13th, the Glitch Gremlin, and Super Mecha Death Christ. After we beat the tutorial, we head to the level select screen. There are eight levels to choose from, and you can do them in any order. Let’s start with Assholevania. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: Assholeviania? Are all the level’s titles like this? AVGN: Pretty much, yeah. G-man: Why? I get that they’re references to your videos, but for newcomers who don’t have a lot of experience, they look at it and go: (Cut to a sketch with the G-man playing the game acting as a new AVGN fan) G-man: Jesus, Game Theory was right. This guy DEFINITELY has issues! (Cut back to the game) AVGN (V.O): The boss in this stage is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. You can’t damage him when he’s Hyde, but after a few attacks, he’ll turn back into Jekyll. That’s your chance to attack. After we beat him, we move on to the next stage; Future Fuckballs 2010. G-man (V.O): Here, you can unlock Kyle. Instead of going upwards with the vanishing blocks, go to the right and jump over three blacks that’ll one-hit kill you if you touch them. Later in the level, we find a silver surfboard. A clever reference to Silver Surfer for the NES. (Cut to later in the game. Phallic-looking missiles fly from the right side of the screen to attack the player. Cut back to the duo) G-man: What the hell is that?! Nerd, did you okay this? AVGN: Don’t look at me! I only play this shit! (Cut back to the game. The boss appears) AVGN (V.O): The boss in this level is the A.I from Cyber Morph. You know, the bitch that kept saying "Where did you learn to fly?"? When we beat it, my in-game self says "Where did you learn to be an asshole?!". (Cut back to the duo) G-man: That’s actually a good question. Any guesses? AVGN (Shrugging): Gets me. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Our next stop is Dungeons and Dickholes. (Cut to the level. There’s a latter going down in front of the in-game Nerd) Okay, where does this lead? (The in-game Nerd climbs down the latter. Only to be met with an almost-instant death. Cut back to the duo) G-man: Seriously?! Who put that there? (The AVGN sheepishly raises his hand. The G-man looks at him is disbelief) YOU!? Why? AVGN: Well, I mentioned something like this in my review of Super Pitfall, and I think that’s what inspired it. G-man (Under his breath): Oh my god, what were you thinking? (Cut back to the game) AVGN (V.O): In this level, we unlock Mike with the help of Kyle. He’s the highest jumper, but for some reason he has a melee attack via a lightsaber. The boss in this stage is the Giant Claw who was never featured in any of my videos. Why it’s here, I don’t know. Up next is Beat it & Eat it which is a reference to an episode about the Atari porn games. G-man (V.O): In this level, we unlock the Bullshit Man who literally throws shit from his hands. Making him the last character we find. And now that we have the whole gang, let’s fight the boss! (The boss turns out to be the Atari version of General Custer from Custer’s Revenge. Cut back to the duo with their mouths agape) G-man: What the fuck? Why is General Custer, who is a real person, mind you, in a damn video game?! AVGN: Geez, how many times did we swear? G-man: Let me check that. (He looks to his right offscreen) Pinkie, where are we at? (Cut to Pinkie Pie in front of a drinking glass overflowing with pennies) Pinkie: I lost count, so I just threw them all in. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: That’s not good… (Cut back to the game) AVGN (V.O): Our next stop is Happy Fun Candy Time. This stage just looks like ass. (Cut to later in the level. A purple orb is seen bouncing) Oh, great. It’s that purple dinosaur’s missing testicle. G-man: After some annoying and difficult jumps, we get to the boss. (The boss is a white, winged unicorn with a rainbow mane) Who the fuck is this? This guy? Girl? THING never made its way into a Nerd video, so what hell is it doing here? (Cut back to the duo) G-man: And what’s with this game and making non-Nerd characters their bosses? AVGN: Who knows? Maybe they were like: (Cut to another sketch with the G-man acting as an employee, and the AVGN acting as his boss. They’re sitting next to each other at then end of a large table) AVGN: Alright, we need ideas for bosses. Any ideas? (He points to his left offscreen) You? Person A: The Giant Claw? AVGN: Use that. (He points in the opposite direction) You? Person B: How about a unicorn? AVGN: Perfect! (He points to the G-man) You? G-man: Bugs Bunny? (The AVGN gives the G-man a dirty look and punches him. Knocking him over) AVGN: Anyone else? (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): In Blizzard of Balls, we fight killer snowmen, shitting turkeys, and bouncing reindeer. This level is unique for two reasons; one is that there’s a mini-boss in this level. (Cut to the mini-boss) And it’s Santa? And when you defeat him, you ride down a hill on his corpse. AVGN (V.O): The actual boss in this level are the ghost of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. All of whom were featured in two Christmas episodes. After that, it’s on to the hardest level, Boo! Haunted House. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: “Boo! Haunted House”? What’s with the boo? Why not just call it Haunted House? AVGN: Look, if you’re going to point out all the flaws in MY game, we’re seriously screwed! (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Here, we fight ghosts, flying jack-o-lanterns, and witches on broomsticks. But what makes this level annoying is that you’re forced to play it in it’s entirety in tunnel vision. Including the boss. AVGN (V.O): Speaking of the boss, it’s two references in one. It’s the LJN versions of Freddy and Jason, but they’re called Bimmy and Jimmy for some reason. And then we move onto the final main level; Thy Farts Consumed. Battling demons, flaming skulls, and Crap-spitting monsters. G-man (V.O): Actually, this level kind of reminds me of Zenith from that NES Godzilla Creepypasta. (Cut back to the duo) AVGN: There’s a Creepypasta based on that shitty Godzilla game? G-man: Yeah, but it’s probably my favorite. It’s got screenshots that looks like it was from the actual game! AVGN: …Moving on. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): The boss in this level is, who else? The Devil himself! After we beat him, it’s on to the last level: Laughin’ Jokin’ Numbnuts. And good luck getting through this in one shot, because I had an incredibly hard time on this last level! AVGN (V.O): And now we finally reach the final boss. It’s… It’s… (The final boss reveals himself. The text box on the bottom says that it’s the programmer, Fred Fucks. Cut back to the duo with their mouths agape) G-man: Fred Fucks? The programmer from that SNES Dracula game? HE’S the final boss?! Just imagine- AVGN: G-man, calm down-! G-man: Nonono, imagine this: The actual person may have saw or heard about this game, and didn’t sue Screwattack for trauma. (Cut back to the game) G-man (V.O): Speaking of Fred, he’s incredibly hard! This must be the hardest boss in video game history! (There’s a moment of silence before the G-man speaks again) Okay, second hardest if you count Mashtooth from the Legendary Starfy. And after we beat him, Game Land falls apart, and our heroes escape. Thus, ending the game. (Cut back to the duo) G-man: So, Nerd, how does your game hold up? AVGN: Well, I get where you’re coming from, it IS challenging in some places, but I’m still looking for my Big Rigs copy! G-man (Sighing): I already told you; Pinkie took it! AVGN: Well, maybe I’ll pay her visit… (He storms out of the G-man’s room. His and Pinkie’s voices can be heard) Hey, you have my game, right? Pinkie: Game? Oh, you mean Big Rigs? AVGN (Furiously): Yeah, and I have one thing to say to you: (Calmly) Can I have it back? Pinkie: Sure! Here! AVGN: Thank you! (He walks back into the G-man’s room. He’s now holding a cardboard box sealed with tape) She was nice. G-man: Alright, you’ve got your game, now get out. AVGN: Oh, but I have something for you. Think of it as a thank you for reviewing my game. G-man: Really? Cool, thanks! (The AVGN gives the G-man the box and walks away. The G-man uses a box cutter to cut the tape and eagerly opens the box. Only to gain a shocked look on his face) G-man: Is that a C4? (Cut to the outside of the G-man’s house. The AVGN hits a button on the C4’s detonator and an explosion is heard) AVGN: That’ll teach you for tearing apart my game! Well, he was the G-man, and that’s all you need to know about that! Peace! Category:Episode